Terror

So, I've announced that I'm going to write a memoir.  People have said for years that I should, my brother and sister agree (little do they know!), and I became convinced this was a good idea.  I took a memoir writing retreat and got excited, and a little confident.  Now I'm reading about writing, and I'm terrified.  The last thing I had in mind was a project that would consume years before coming to fruition.  What did I imagine?  A nice little stroll down memory lane?  Well, with some of my memories it wouldn't be nice or a stroll - or a lane.  More like stumbling toward the House on Haunted Hill.  But still, there's a story to be told.  Lots of stories.  And maybe some truth.

I know the power of telling my story.  I lead recovery retreats, and each time I tell some version of a very long story.  I see what it does to others, and I feel the gratitude rise up in me.  I know my life is a miracle.  I want to share that miracle with others - with you.

But still.  What do I know about this kind of writing?

Then again, what did I know about writing academic papers, dissertations, books?  But there I was prepared for things to take a long time, and writing was a primary occupation.  Now I have a life that is much bigger than writing, and I'm hoping to make space for an hour a day - eventually.  Right now I'm at 15-30 minutes.

I guess I'm glad I announced this on Facebook and our community newsletter.  Otherwise I could back out.  I know I could back out anyway, but I don't want to.  I want to go forward.

I don't know what I'll be putting on this blog,  I just know I need a place to write about this process while it's going on.  Occasionally I want to share short sections from the memoir - probably before they're ready!  I've never been good at delayed gratification.  So this could be the site for big mistakes.  So what's new?  As you'll see, much of my life has been about running full-tilt toward things without a clue what I'm getting into.  Sometimes it's a disaster, but other times it's a blessing beyond anything I could plan.  So here I go.  Pray for me, please.